You Deserve Prison, But You Won't Get Time

Two books about breakups

Rob and I recently celebrated 10 years together. 10 years, 1 pandemic, 1 baby, 1 cat, OK this is not as good as I thought it would be. There are a lot of ones in this list.

The point is, I haven’t gone through a breakup for more than a decade. And yet? I love a breakup book.

It’s the melodrama of it all. When you go through an earth-shattering breakup, you confront your very worst self. You experience the depths of human emotions. You say, “You deserve prison, but you won’t get time!”

Ooh baby.

An epic breakup is forever.

Just ask Taylor Swift.

Good Material by Dolly Alderton

Good Material by Dolly Alderton is an epic breakup book. I am still laughing thinking about Andy, a 35-year-old not-very successful comedian, deciding to live on a canal boat post breakup. Or pretending to be a man named “Clifford” and going to see his ex’s therapist to try to figure out if said therapist drove them apart.

Dolly is this generation’s Nick Hornby, I’m just saying it! Here she writes from the white male perspective which is interesting, and also littered with the type of insight and details that still let me know Dolly was writing it. Plus, Andy’s ex Jen is fascinating. I want to talk about her. Have you ever met someone like Jen? Are you a Jen?

Really Good, Actually by Monica Heisey

I mean, look at the drama in this cover. I love this cover. I love this book following Maggie, as she navigates life at 29-years-old, post unexpected divorce. I have 28 highlights from my Kindle, Goodreads informs me. Here’s one:

Of course, it did not feel better to burn a tobacco and juniper candle and listen to the Backstreet Boys than it had felt to be loved.

And another:

I tried the mindfulness app but couldn’t make it stick. I did not want to be grounded in this moment. This moment was miserable!

And another, not really related to breakups but fun, nonetheless:

She was impeccably dressed, with a haircut I recognized from Instagram. Only cool girls had it, and it seemed like you had to go to San Francisco to get it done, but she had probably cut hers herself, with scissors rescued from an old shipwreck.

What’s the best breakup book you’ve ever read? And why isn’t it High Fidelity by Nick Hornby?